The ubiquitous E-9 They’re both nowhere and everywhere at the same time. Never present when you could have been given that ARCOM or NAM for doing something really worthy. Always present when you’ve got a hand shoved so far down in your pocket that you’re touching kneecap. Praise in public, discipline in private? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Nah. They’re going to crack your nuts in front of everyone. Jesus, Odin, and Captain by God America will witness you getting blistered like an Irish guy at the beach. We’re pretty sure that there’s an entire block of instruction at Staff NCO school on the proper cracking and shelling of every nut configuration. And no, officers, you aren’t immune. That commission isn’t a protective cup that guards against the emotional trauma of the E-8 wrath. Go ahead with that out of regs moustache.
That play about The Nutcracker Sweet should have featured an entire cast of Master Sergeants, First Sergeants, Senior Chief Petty Officers, and Senior Master Sergeants. But it didn’t, so we made you these shirts. You’re welcome.