In December of 2016, President-elect Donald Trump announced that he would be nominating Mr. Mattis as the Secretary of Defense. A loud roar sent shockwaves through the country as men, women, and children screamed for joy. On the other hand, the smell from numerous parts of the world began to hit disgusting levels as certain leaders began to shit their pants.
A new sheriff is in town—one that’s equal warrior and scholar. He can both tear your intestines out of your body with a single thumb and recite all of Moby Dick to you off the top of his head. He’s that good.
But in all seriousness, this guy is the greatest thing to happen to war since Teddy Roosevelt was killing Spaniards with his bare hands on San Juan Hill.
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